I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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