I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
