They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
