My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Two words: blizzard sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
