Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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