real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
