Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
