I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
