Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
