so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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