I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
