I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
whose ass print is on the piano?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
