I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
