I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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