Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
