My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
