Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
