my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
