There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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