Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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