Only a mothe r could love this liver
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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