i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
