Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
