i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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