I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
