At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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