my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
