I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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