All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
