i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I pour the whiskey from now on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
