By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
