Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And then my night got REAL pukey
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
