your thong is hanging out like whoa
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I currently don't understand fingers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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