Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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