you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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