READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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