Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
