Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
