This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
