Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
