Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
