I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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