38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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