It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
