At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
