so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
