Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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