all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
not ubering you a puppy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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