you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
