saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
