I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
