Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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