My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
