That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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