if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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