This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
