She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
