Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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