dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
