I'm really into asian looking animals
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
