Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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