I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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