I'm gonna have a badass scar
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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