I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
