At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
