Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
