my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
