Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my poor anus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
