brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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