She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
