Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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