he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
did you just send me my own nude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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