So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
