As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize