Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
