You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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