My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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