Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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